Arachnids, and other forms of Angels.

A great man once said, "I'm everywhere, you'll see!"  

I hate it when I get shit [items?!] that attach certain [things?] to them for no real reason. Bear with me, Kodiak. For instance, I received a wallet for Christmas that was made by the Columbia Sportswear Company. Yea, I know, its so ‘Macy’s’. Attached to this wallet in its case was a keychain that was both a light and a compass. I have nothing personally against these incredible human inventions, but the compass doesn’t even work! Color me pissed off. Im looking at the keychain right now, and I just realized that on the back is a temperature gauge. What are those called? Thermometers? I DONT KNOW!  Honestly this is just about the compass. Why would you even put it on there if it didn’t work. That just makes your shit look weak. 67% of this keychain is useful. That’s a D+ ALMOST. This got me thinking about what would be some pretty sweet keychains, but also that everything that would be cool is probably already an I-Phone application. 

 

1.       Mini-Taser

2.       Mini Meth Lab

3.       A Vial of Powdered Milk [ U NEVER KNOW!]

4.       A Mini-Vinyl recording of the message sent out on Voyager 1 and 2

5.       A locket with a picture of your dad's head on a naked woman’s body

6.       A compass that fucking works.

 

 I certainly do not understand photovoltaic cells or batteries, do you? I HATE it when energy is  transferred in these most esoteric of ways.

 

 Is Rembrandt an artist or a toothpaste? Speaking of which, why is there not better toothpaste  flavors? Here are some flavors I would use:

 

1.       Nutella/Banana Crepe

2.       Gunshot!

3.       Shower Curtain Smell Taste

4.       Warm hug.

5.       Argyle Cardamom Pod.